Don't fear the reaper
by dogbertcarroll
Summary: Summoning the Death God to seal the fox into his son goes slightly wrong...
1. Chapter 1

**Don't Fear the Reaper**

Minato looked over the village behind him, just a quick glance, he didn't have time for more, to remind himself of what he was doing this for. The Leaf village wasn't perfect, but then nowhere was, and it came closer than any other place he'd ever heard of. The people were protected by ninjas who actually cared about them. There were a couple of bad apples, true, but then there were some bad apples in every town and only here were they greatly outnumbered by people who valued human life and dignity.

He wanted his child to grow up in a place like this.

All of this ran through his mind in a split second before he smeared his blood against the seal, summoning the Shinigami himself, the Death God to trade his soul for his people's safety and a happy and productive life for his child. It was a great plan with a couple of glaring flaws that never occurred to the optimistic man who saw his village through a rose colored brain. Of course there was one little mistake he made that in no way had anything to do with optimism and more to bad penmanship.

The summoning name was half illegible and the parameters were left wide open. It'd either be a total failure or succeed beyond his wildest imagination.

Let's see what his loosely cast net has caught…

A circle of light flashed into being highlighting the two figures it had summoned. Yes, not one but two figures stood within the circle.

Well… one stood, towering over everyone nearby, the other one was much smaller and sat on his shoulder.

"Yay! Ken-chan! That was fun, let's do it again!" the little pink haired girl cheered in her tiny black robe with a sword that seemed to be a bit too large for her strapped to her back.

"Why have you summoned me?" demanded the towering black haired figure, who was wearing robes with the arms torn off and an eye patch.

"I offer my soul in return for sealing the nine tailed fox inside my son, where it can't hurt anyone anymore," Minato offered from inside the circle, beside his newborn son.

"I suck at sealing, how about I just kill it?" the reaper offered.

"I don't think it can be killed. It's made of chakra and continually regenerates," Minato said shocked.

"Really?" The reapers grin became terrifying to behold. "This could be interesting. Let's see if I can kill it."

The pink haired girl jumped off his shoulder, landing lightly by the crying baby, who she quickly wrapped in his blanket and kissed on the forehead. "Watch, Uncle Kenny is going to have fun!"

Zaraki Kenpachi suddenly flash stepped to the middle of the Kyuubi's forehead and unleashed a blow that slammed the fox into the dirt. This was to set the tone for the entire battle. The fox would get up and 'Ken-chan' would slam it down. Occasionally, the fox would get a strike in and slam Kenpachi through some trees or deep into the ground, but seconds later he'd be back on top beating it down again.

After about an hour of this Yachiru got bored. "OK, we'll let Kenny have his fun while we go have fun on our own," she told the little blonde baby, who she'd refused to relinquish. "Hey, Sunflower! Where can we get some milk for Naruto and some candy for me?"

"I can get you some in town, but what about 'Uncle Kenny'?" Minato asked.

"Ken-chan will play with it until he gets bored and then he'll get serious," she said matter of factly.

"That's not serious?" he asked, stunned at the power being unleashed behind him.

"Nah, it's rare that Kenny gets to play with something that doesn't fall apart after the first hit, so he'll be at it for a while." She leapt onto Minato's shoulder. "To candy!" she ordered.

Minato didn't bother to question how she knew his son's name; he figured it was some mysterious power that reapers had. Truthfully she saw the seal on his stomach and it reminded her of lunch.

All the nin had left the battle, taking their wounded and dead with them by now, leaving Kenpachi to his play.

Minato was moving rather slowly back to the village, because Yachiru often jumped off his shoulder to tap spectral figures (that he only saw as they dispersed into specks of light) on the head with the hilt of her sword, whereupon they sparkled and faded, taking some of the weight out of the air.

Despite her jumping around Naruto never cried. Minato would have worried about that but he could hear his son giggle every now and then and was more worried about the strange pressure in the air around the girl and the fact that she wouldn't let Naruto go!

"Wanna see a neat trick?" Minato asked trying to speed things up.

"Sure," she said cheerfully, suddenly back on his shoulder.

"Hang on tight," he said and used his own version of the flash step to teleport them to the door outside the council chambers.

Yachiru laughed. "You summoned yourself!"

"No one has ever figured that out that fast before," Minato said, shocked.

"I'm a soul reaper, of course I know what being summoned feels like." Yachiru giggled and searched for the seal Minato had used.

"Well I suppose I haven't taken anyone that I'd summoned with me before," he said thoughtfully.

Yachiru found the seal beneath the carpet in front of the door and her eyes paid closer attention to its details than any child could be expected to.

Minato was about to ask what she was doing when the doors to the chamber vibrated. With the number of sound dampening jutsu cast on the chambers that signified quite an argument.

Yachiru was back on his shoulder. "Come on Sunflower, let's go see what's going on in there!"

Minato opened the door and winced as the wave of sound hit him.

"It should be raised by Root!" Danzo yelled, the bandages covering his left shoulder where his arm used to be still bleeding. "Jinchuriki need a lot of precautions to keep them safe to be around and it would be a perfect weapon for Konoha!"

"The boy is not going to be turned into a tool for your ambitions," Jiraya yelled.

"The council has already made its decision, the fox will be killed so it can no longer threaten the people of the Leaf," the council spokesman tried to yell over the clamor.

"There will be no more talk of killing or making him into a weapon!" Sarutobi thundered. "Naruto will be raised like a normal child and if anyone so much as speaks about him and the fox in the same breath to anyone who doesn't know of his situation they will be executed for treason!"

"The council hasn't elected you Hokage yet old man and until they do your word isn't law. Throw in with me and I'll make sure the boy lives. Better a live weapon than a dead child," Danzo appealed.

Sarutobi stood up and his chakra flared, driving most of the crowd, nin and civilian alike to their knees. "Attempt to harm one hair on that child's head and I will end you!"

"And I'll help," Minato added, drawing a lot of attention and shocked gasps to the back of the room.

"So why exactly has the council called for the execution of my newborn son?" Minato asked, wondering how something he'd thought impossible had come about.

"Your son?" the spokesperson for the council said incredulously. "We were told you chose an orphan to use as a sacrifice!"

"No, I chose my son to entrust with the responsibility to keep the beast contained, but even if I didn't the child chosen should have been treated like a hero for saving the village, not like it was the fox reborn!"

"Jinchuriki are dangerous and unstable," Danzo swore. "And regardless of whose child it is, he should be raised as a weapon so we have some controls in place!"

"What does wimpy want to do with Naruto-kun?" Yachiru asked curiously.

"He wants to raise him as mindless tool to be used and discarded when no longer needed," Minato said bluntly.

Yachiru began to grin, showing teeth that Minato swore weren't nearly that pointed a moment ago. Jumping down from Minato's shoulder while still holding Naruto cradled to her chest she drew her zanpakuto.

"And what are you going to do with that little girl? I'm surprised you can even hold it," Danzo mouthed off, angered that all his planning was for nothing and that the reports of Minato's death were apparently highly exaggerated.

"I'm going to give you a new nickname," Yachiru said cheerfully as she raised her sword and braced herself to charge across the room.

"Wait, stop!" Minato called out, using the seal he'd had ANBU hide in Danzo's belt buckle to hirashin in front of him bracing himself to block Yachiru's blow, only to hear a thud behind him.

Turning around he saw Yachiru sheathing her sword and Danzo lying on his side, his left leg pouring blood onto the floor from a foot away.

He shook himself from his shock at being too slow, even with the hirashin, to stop her. "Nobody attack, stand down! She's one of the two shinigami I summoned. Danzo paid for his arrogance in challenging her!"

No one moved against her as she hopped back on Minato's shoulder. "Former Mr. Wimpy isn't hurt. He's Mr. Finey now." She giggled like it was the funniest joke in the world. "Sharpy-chan heals as she cuts."

Jiraya rolled Danzo onto his back and carefully examined him. "Yep, he's ok, and his wounds are gone, along with his left leg and arm."

"Yeah, I told you he was all-right," Yachiru said, before laughing loudly, the joke she was laughing at now obvious to everyone.

"Was that really necessary?" Minato asked not so much concerned with Danzo as worried about what else she might do.

"He threatened Naruto-kun," she said no longer smiling, as the air became heavy with the feel of her reiatsu making everyone gasp for air. "No one harms my little Naruto-kun!"

Minato sighed and took a deep breath as Yachiru leashed her reiatsu once more. He'd thought he finally figured out why she wouldn't put his son down. Minato had summoned two shinigami so the price was two souls, his and… his son's. 'Well at least I'm not leaving him an orphan.'

"The spokesman for the council approached Minato. "We never would have voted as we did, had we known he was your son."

"You should have cared for and protected the child regardless of who his parents were," Minato said gravely.

The man shook his head. "A child from an unknown bloodline with a seal slapped on him is far different from a child whose bloodline is known and whose father would never use a faulty seal on."

"I would never use a faulty seal on any child," Minato swore.

"You would also not seal a demon into an orphan chosen at random. If you would do the one, then we would have to guess you were capable of the other," he explained.

"I see." Minato nodded, seeing how the council could come to that conclusion.

"Rest assured we would never treat Naruto that way now that we know the truth," he assured him.

"It doesn't matter anymore," Minato sighed. "I summoned two reapers instead of one, so my son and I are forfeit."

The spokesman looked at Yachiru who was tickling a giggling Naruto. "I see."

"I think the only reason I'm still here right now is because 'Kenny' wanted to play with the fox a little first. As we speak he is beating nine kinds of hell out of it. Which is rather appropriate if you think about it." Minato grinned, finding humor even in the darkest situation.

The aura of the fox, which had coated the air in bloodlust for so long the people had started to get used to it, was suddenly overwhelmed by an even greater source of bloodlust.

"Kenny took off his eye patch, he must be almost done now," Yachiru was suddenly sitting on a table. "You better go get him Sunflower, he has a lousy sense of direction," she confided quietly, meaning just loud enough for everyone in the room to hear her.

Sunfl-err... Minato nodded and vanished, leaving the room unsure of what to do. The small pink haired girl was easily as dangerous as the fox and had showed from her joke earlier that she wasn't nearly as well adjusted.

"Can I see my godson?" Jiraya pleaded.

"Aww, sure, but you better be careful with him and get me a potato first," Yachiru said.

Jiraya shunshuned out into the marketplace and kicked down a grocery store door. Tossing a handful of Ryo on the counter he grabbed a sack of potatoes and a jar of candy on impulse before shunshuning back. He set the candy and the potatoes next to the reaper and held his hands out for his godson.

Yachiru grinned. "You're smarter than you look." She handed Naruto to Jiraya carefully, making sure he knew how to support the baby's head.

As Jiraya took Naruto and showed him around to everyone Yachiru cut a potato in half with a tiny sword and began carving on it while sucking on a piece of candy. A pale skinned man with long black hair and slitted pupils approached Yachiru. Seeing what she was doing, he was quick to make a suggestion or two which she accepted with a smile. Once she had finished the seal she was carving she quickly carved the rest of the potato into a handle for it. She winked at the man helping her and held out her hand palm up while intoning, "Kido seventysomething; the Hidden Potato Bunny Seal made solid. Flesh and blood something something, do it or I will hunt you down and make sure you're all-right!"

The air crackled and the roughly carved potato seal became a super official looking silver and black seal much to the watcher's surprise.

The doors to the room opened and everyone's attention was drawn as Minato entered with 'Kenny'.

Kenpachi had to duck as he entered the room, talking to Minato all the while. "I didn't get to kill it because it ran off with its tails between its legs when I ripped off one of them off. Still it was a decent fight. If it ever shows up again or anything like that, summon me."

"I thought you were going to take me and Naruto's souls as the summoning price," Minato said.

"Nah, I have no use for you yet. Grow strong and then when you die we'll see if you'd fit in with my division," Kenpachi said with a grin.

"Really?" Minato said, perking up.

"My division isn't exactly shorthanded enough for me to need to recruit mortals. When you die, enter the academy to become a soul reaper and then we'll talk," he assured him in his gravelly voice before turning to Yachiru. "Can you please Konso the red head following me? She just keeps going on and on about Naruto this and Minato that," he groaned.

"Ahh that would be Naruto-kun's mother!" She turned to an empty space next to Kenpachi and began to speak, "If you want we can take you to the academy and as soon as you're a reaper you can visit when I do."

Everyone stared as the pink haired reaper talked to thin air. "No, the shortest time ever was about five years, most take closer to fifteen. Well, you'll have to like battle to join our division, but I can always take you with me if you're not on duty in whatever division you end up in. Uh huh, sure."

Yachiru turned to Minato and said, "Kushina says if you so much as look at another girl before she gets back she'll cut it off. So she'll see you in five years," she tapped her seal on Kushina's hand making her visible for a second before tapping her on the forehead with the hilt of her sword causing her to dissolve into particles of light.

Minato just stared speechless as the pink haired girl stamped his hand, then went over to stamp Orochimaru's, Sarutobi's and Jiraya's.

Orochimaru examined the bunny symbol on his hand with some amusement while Jiraya looked stunned.

"What is this for?" Sarutobi asked when it became obvious nobody else would.

"So we can find you when you die," she said as if it were the most obvious think in the world. "Souls can wander for centuries before finding Soul Society, but with these stamps I can find you and take you to the academy rather than waiting for you to show up on your own."

"So all souls end up there?" Jiraya asked.

"Nah, really bad ones go to hell, which sucks, but most people go to Soul Society. It takes some effort to get sent to hell," Yachiru said brightly.

"Or some really bad directions," Kenpachi said thoughtfully, rubbing his chin.

"I told you Mr. Smiley gave me the directions," Yachiru said. "And he was right, that was the best trip to the beach we ever had!"

"True, the lake of hellfire kept Ikkaku from burning off his eyebrows trying to start the grill," he reflected. "And the demons were much more fun to play with than the usual volleyball free for all."

"I still got the directions," Yachiru said.

"Good, it's settled, we'll take the division for pillaging and slaughter in hell for the weekend, remember to bring a lot of sunscreen."

"Is there a lot of sun in hell?" Minato asked curiously.

"Nah, but the divisions swim team always holds their tryouts on beach trips and they won't let a little thing like the water being on fire keep them from competing."

"Time to go, so let me fix Naruto really fast and then we're off, cause I have the Shinigami Women's Club meeting to attend to," Yachiru said setting Naruto on the table in front of her much to Jiraya's surprise as he looked down and realized his arms were empty. Uncovering Naruto she made some changes to the seal on his stomach, then raising her sword into the air she reversed it and drove it into the center of the seal.

Minato stared in horror, until he heard Naruto giggle, even as the increasing power from the pink haired shinigami began to make the people around them drop like flies.

With a last flare of power, Yachiru withdrew her sword from Naruto's stomach leaving it unmarked to the eyes of the Sanin and the Hokage.

"What'd you do that for?" Kenpachi asked a bit concerned at his young partner's actions.

"I want Naruto-kun to get a chance to grow up before he joins us," she said weakly, placing the tiny zanpakuto in his little hand, "not have his life cut short like mine was. This will make sure of that."

"And the seal will keep anyone from detecting the power you loaned him," Kenpachi said cradling the exhausted looking girl in his arms. "Nice work. Well, time to go home, you need a lot of rest to regain your strength," he said as they vanished.

**Typing by: The Last Primarch!**


	2. Chapter 2

**Don't Fear the Reaper: Epilogue  
**

Yachiru smiled brightly on seeing Naruto, as she did whenever she could spare the time. Naruto kun!" she squealed, tackling him to the ground.

Naruto smiled, but looked a little sad as he stood up, holding the girl barely half his size in his arms.

"What's wrong?" she asked concerned.

"Everyone in my class says I'm getting too big to play with you anymore," he said sadly.

"I could get bigger if it would help," she offered, while making a mental note to slaughter his classmates.

"Really?" he asked excitedly.

"Sure," she said brightly, using her innate abilities as a reaper to change her apparent age.

Naruto was completely unprepared for Yachiru to suddenly double in size, and neither were her clothes.

Ino and Sakura, Naruto's top fangirls, watched in shock as Naruto passed out with a nosebleed from the near naked pinkette on top of him.

"What do you think? Naruto? Naruto?!" she asked shaking him.

Hinata, who'd just arrived, quickly shed her jacket and gave it to Yachiru with a grin. "I believe the answer is yes, he likes it…a lot."

Naruto slowly regained consciousness now that he didn't have a nearly naked sixteen year old Yachiru on top of him. "I'll never stop playing with you, believe it!" he exclaimed, still not quite all there.

Hinata bit back a groan. She loved Naruto like a brother, but he was so tactless at times.

Yachiru beamed at him and stepped forward to hug him letting her borrowed jacket fall open.

"Naruto," rumbled a deep and raspy voice from behind him, making him wish he'd learned his father's teleportation jutsu.

*0*0*0*0*0*0*0*0*0*

Yachiru turned to Naruto's parents who'd just arrived by following the trail of destruction to the edge of the clearing where the fox had been defeated and grinned. "Kenny and Naruto are playing!"

Kushina recognized Yachiru by the bloodlust in her eyes and put together what had happened remarkably quickly, but before she could say anything Naruto's voice could be heard calling out, "Bankai!" and a wave of spiritual pressure sent the crowd tumbling backwards.

"He just achieved bankai without training for it? I've been trying for months and I haven't gotten close!" Kushina complained as she dusted herself off.

"My Naruto-kun is awesome!" The pink haired reaper giggled.

"Weren't you somewhere around seven years old last week?" Minato asked curiously.

"Naruto-kun said someone told him he was getting too old to play with me," Yachiru said her eyes still watching the fight with glee.

"So you decided to grow up all at once?" Minato asked.

"Yeah, but oopsie, my clothes didn't," she explained, as if she hadn't planned this out when she'd seen his eyes wandering to older girls.

"And Kenpachi just happened by?" Minato sighed, picturing the scene in his head.

"Yep," Yachiru lied.

"Is the boss going to be okay?" Konohamaru asked. Sure he thought Yachiru should be his girlfriend and she was hung up on Naruto, but he was still a friend.

"He'll be fine," Yachiru assured him. "Ken-chan's going to kill him, but after that he'll be okay."

"What?!" screamed the crowd.

Yachiru giggled. "He'll have to go through the academy, but since he's reached bankai that'll only take about a week or two and after that I'll simply take maternity leave and we'll be back here for the second half of the chunin exams."

"You've been sixteen for all of what, a couple of hours, how did you…" Minato looked back at the battle in shock.

Kushina shook her head. "Reaper maternity leave isn't done like normal maternity leave here in the living world. Reapers come to the living world so they can get pregnant and have children."

"How long does it last?" Kakashi asked.

"A mortal lifespan." Yachiru giggled.

"You'll need a replacement since you're a vice captain," Kushina pointed out.

"Found one a couple of months ago while the swim team tryouts were being held in hell."

"Zabuza," Kushina said, putting the pieces together. "I recall Haku mentioning him."

"How is Haku doing?"

"She is still adjusting to being a 'she' but she seemed happier lately and now I know why. How did you find them so quickly?" Kushina asked.

"Anyone Naruto-kun has been in contact with I can find," Yachiru smirked.

"That takes a strong bond, a very strong bond," she said thoughtfully.

"Yep," Yachiru smirked. "And I'm going to request a healer for my leave too! Do you know any that would mind the duty?"

Kushina looked at Yachiru in awe. "You are the one that suggested I go into medicine. You'd have had to plan this out from the beginning."

"Yep."

**Typing by: The Last Primarch!**


End file.
